aaaarrrrggghhhhh.....

louloreally... I can't bear it anymore!
it's like I wanna shout at him ad kick him out!!!

this recent days,he really made me really wanna cry.
my mother has changed because of him.
my mom's expression is different when she talks to me.
her smile is very expensive,but when my mom talks to him,she smile and laugh a lot.
it makes me sad.
the person who really understand my feeling is my dad. 
but now he has gone,so there's nobody who I can share to.

just now,I cried in the bathroom. I took my phone and played the music shoutly so my mom won't know that i'm crying.
he's building a barrier between me and my mom. really!!!
i know that my mom loves me. 
there's no mother who doesn't love their children.
but I wander,,,, if I and he get into an accident at the same time and both of us are going to die.
then we are sent to the hospital. our rooms are far away.
mine is at the right and his at the left.
then when my mom comes,which side will she go??
right or left???
i think it will be left..
because she'll do the best from the best for him.

i feel it...
when I want to eat something,my mom will ask me to wait for him and eat with him.
It happened before. that time,I wanna eat papaya.
I ask my mom to slice it to me.
But my mom didn't want to.
then the next day when he was at my home,my mom sliced the papaya for him and they ate by themselves without asking me whether I wanna eat or not.

that feeling...
it's hurt...
I feel lonely..
I feel this world is too wide and I stand on it alone.